Amelia has had a lot going on for the last several weeks. I haven't said anything here for a few reasons 1) I wasn't sure how I felt about it. 2) I wasn't sure what was going to be decided in the end.
The short version: We have decided to move Amelia to a first grade class for the remainder of the school year. It was a very hard decision to make.
The long version is much longer and involves much hand wringing on my part and some long suffering patience from John.
Last spring, I met with the principal of the school Amelia attends. I brought some samples of Amelia's school work from her preschool and Amelia herself. I knew that Amelia was going to enter kindergarten above grade level in the areas of reading and math based on:
1) My education background
2) My previous volunteer work with William's kindergarten class.
After seeing the work samples and having a conversation with Amelia, the principal offered to place Amelia in first grade for the next year*. Without hesitation, I refused this. I wanted Amelia to be in kindergarten and receive enrichment. Kindergarten was going to be a big adjustment and I felt strongly Amelia needed to be in a kindergarten setting. A kindergarten setting with some enrichment available.
That is how we have started the school year. I met with Amelia's kindergarten teacher before school started and have talked with her on a regular basis (thanks in part to volunteering in her classroom once a week). As a regular volunteer in the classroom, I am aware of the skills the students are working on and where the students in the class are at. Typically, I work with small groups in the hallway on skills they are struggling with. In general, these students are behind the curve and we are trying to "catch up". Just last week, I was working with a group on letter recognition. Amelia started reading over a year ago.
In the middle of October, we had parent/teacher conferences. It did not come as a surprise to us that the school was again recommending a first grade placement for Amelia. I was all set to decline, because I felt good about Amelia's kindergarten placement.
The teacher presented the skills the kindergarteners will be working on for the rest of the year. Amelia has mastered all of them. She showed us samples of Amelia's work versus typical kindergarten work (typical: label objects in the picture with the first letter sound, Amelia: labels objects with words - many words are spelled correctly).
The teacher presented the skills the first graders will be working on for the rest of the year. Amelia knows most of them. Not all and some of them not very well, but she knows most of them.
Although the kindergarten teacher works with Amelia and has several ways to help enrich her learning, the truth is this time is extremely limited. She has 21 other students who need her help and time. Additionally, the one student in the class Amelia frequently paired with for group time because of their skill level had been moved to first grade the previous week. There weren't other students in the class at her level to make a group.
We left conferences and had a big discussion**. We conferred with principal over the classroom placement. We talked to Amelia. I called in the big guns by calling my sister-in-law who had to make a similar decision several years ago.
Can I take a minute and tell you how much I love having older, wiser and more experienced siblings? I didn't have any older siblings until I got married and I am so thankful for them. I could (and should) write a whole post about my admiration for them.
On this occasion, my dear sister in law talked me down and gave me some pointers. She is the best.
We agreed to give Amelia a trial run of first grade by doing half days in kindergarten and half days in first grade. She has the same teacher William did for first grade. We adore her.
The first week was rough. Amelia did not want to leave kindergarten. She loves her teacher and knows her friends. There were tears. I considered cancelling the whole thing. We conferred with the teachers over email. We made changes. I furiously cleaned our house and pulled out my hair. The shower has been scoured, the fridge is clean and kid clothes are organized.
Week 2 was better, but we still had some bumps. At the end of week 2, Amelia still preferred to stay in kindergarten. I agreed with her. Her reasons were not great: the calendar pictures weren't as cute in first grade, the teacher had fewer chairs in first grade and the tables in the room were set up differently. Also, one day she forgot her art shirt and was embarrassed. However, she eagerly sat down on Friday night and completed both the first grade level homework packet and the kindergarten homework packet.
My reasons weren't great either. I like being a kindergarten parent. I spent the last year mentally gearing myself up to be the kindergarten mom. I know a lot of kindergarten parents. I don't know any first grade parents. I just joined a Girl Scout group of kindergarteners. I would have to switch to a first grade group.
Neither of us had good reason for staying in kindergarten.
John and I met with the principal on the last Friday of the half day trials. It was hard on Amelia to switch classrooms part way through the day. She couldn't really get into the routine with either as they were on different schedules and had different routines. Her main complaints were about the uncertainty about what to expect and how her day would go.
We came up with a new plan. One more week of first grade all day. The teacher would emphasize the routines and the school counselor would pull her and a few other students at the end of the day to help Amelia cement some friendships in the classroom. The school counselor would also informally assess Amelia's social skills during this time and let us know if she felt there were any concerns with moving her to first grade (update: she had no concerns).
This trial took place this last week.
By the end of the second day of this trial, Amelia* was delighted. She missed her kindergarten teacher and wrote her little notes every night. However, she was excited and happy to be going to first grade. She had some new friends and was more relaxed about the schedule and routines.
It was still a hard decision. I worry about the challenging years of puberty and growth. Will it be harder to be a whole year younger in your class? Will she have to face peer pressures at school she isn't emotionally or cognitively mature enough to deal with? Will she struggle in PE classes as other classmates develop skills physically and she is a year behind? Will she struggle socially as her friends develop and change ahead of her? Will the pressure of school get to be too much with the social pressure and the more challenging curriculum? When her friends turn 16, I will have to make decisions about who my 15 can ride with before I am ready. The rules I impose on William will not work for Amelia. This will be unfair to them and a source of potential strain in already stressful teen/parent relationships. And what about William? How will he feel about the special attention his sister receives? Will he feel less smart (it isn't true, he is very gifted, just differently gifted than Amelia)? Will it strain their close relationship to have her only 1 grade level behind instead of 2? I worry about her potentially graduating from high school at seventeen. I worry about sending a seventeen year old off to live on campus at a college.
Or, if left in kindergarten, will she become bored and complacent? Will she learn that school is so easy, she doesn't have to work at it? Will she not ever be in a group with someone at her level for conversation and group work? Will I feel responsible to continue instructing her at her level at home and providing enrichment activities myself so she remains engaged?
That is what is boils down to: Keep her with her age group and instruct/enrich at home***. Or, allow her to be with students slightly older and give her the opportunity to have instruction at school closer to her educational level.
If only I had a fast forward button to quickly see how events will play out, then I would know how to choose. Having to make this decision that has such a long term impact on my daughter's life when she is FIVE is impossible. How can I possibly have enough information to make this choice? I don't think it matters which way we go with this decision. I think this is the kind of decision we ALWAYS wonder if it was the right choice.
Unfortunately, looking at the future is not possible. I can only work with the information I have in front of me now and choose what is best for Amelia right now.
Right now, the best thing for Amelia is to be in first grade. Monday, she will be officially a first grader.
*She also offered to test Amelia for the school's Gifted and Talented program over the summer, which I also refused. The testing is specific about the parameters. If given, the test can only be administered every 2 years. The test is rated for children aged 6 and up. Amelia was not even 5 during this meeting and would have to perform at a level considered "above average" for a 6 year old. In addition, if she met the testing criteria, she would then be bused across the school district 1 day a week for special instruction. This seemed like too much for a kindergartener.
To be clear: I declined this more due to the busing and scheduling complications. Not because I didn't think Amelia would make it into the program.
**Can I tell you how proud I am of my smart daughter? She is SO SMART. Also, she is a very diligent worker and wants to learn as much as possible. So proud.
*** Although not directly part of this discussion, I feel leaving the social education student receive at school out completely is incorrect and doesn't include the whole picture. It isn't testable, it isn't in the news and it doesn't get a lot of attention. But, boy is it important.
