The Struggle

Written March, 2014.


I want to preface this by recognizing my life isn't hard.  Not by a long shot or by any definition.  But, it has been a struggle recently - just a regular human struggle of figuring out the balance.  There are so many variables that play into how my day comes out - even one small change tips the balance from impossible to simple or vice versa.

One of the main reasons I want to get this down is so I can look back years from now and give myself some credit for putting in the hard work.  I also want to prevent some of that rose colored nostalgia for coloring my memory.

I hear it all the time : "Enjoy this time, it goes so fast!"  I hear it at the playground, the store, the school, from a neighbor.  Depending on the day, I either want to grab the person by the shoulders and make them promise me that this time will go quickly or totally agree.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I work.  This is a whole other complex choice to explain another day - if it is even possible to explain.

Tuesdays and Thursdays I get 3 kids up, feed and dress them (or chase them/nag them/threaten them until they do it), and get them to 3 different place by 9am.  My class starts at 9am and many days I walk in feeling like I have run a marathon.  The class is over by 1pm and then it is the juggling of picking up kids at various locations.  Home again so Gemma can nap.

Ahhh....nap time.  Only, I usually use nap time to catch up on paying bills, spending one on one time with Amelia (she goes to kindergarten in a few short months, the time is short to play!), prepping dinner or responding to email.

After dinner it is back to work until 9pm.  John handles the activities and bedtime routine solo on these evenings.  I know I don't always talk about it, but I am so thankful for a spouse who respects my profession and me enough to handle these crazy evenings without complaint.

When I come home, the two of us usually try to spend a few minutes before John goes to bed.  Sometimes it feels like a shift change.  I get the brief William report, Amelia report and Gemma report.  Then we work through the following day's calendar requirements.  Sometimes we watch TV.

Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays should be easier, right?

Somehow they aren't.  I still have the 3 kids to get up, dressed and fed.  William still needs to catch the bus.

In general, I have all the cleaning/laundry/errands/to do list to catch up on in the morning.  I have a schedule so everything gets done.  Mondays are laundry and bathrooms.  Wednesdays is dusting and paying bills.  Sundays is the kitchen.  At times it feels like a never ending battle that I am fighting on my own (not true, John and the kids DO help) and no one else cares about.


By 9:30 this morning I felt like I deserved a prize.  Three kids up, dressed, grooomed, fed, and big kid on the bus.  Two bathrooms were clean and I was on my second load of laundry.  Dishes were done and the kitchen is cleaned up.  I squeezed in a Target run.  We came home, ate lunch and I got lunches packed for tomorrow for everyone.  We cleaned up lunch and then played Princess Candyland.

At 2, I put Gemma down for a nap and am desperate to sit and just SIT.  Just to be.  Amelia wants more Candyland.  We need to fold the clean laundry.  The living room is a disaster, again.

So, I do the right thing.  I have Amelia help me fold a load of clothes and then we play 2 energetic rounds of Candyland.  Is that what I wanted to do?  Not really.  I'm tired and need a break.  I've been giving 110% for the last seven hours.  But, it is the right thing to do.

When Gemma naps, I am able to work out here at home.  To be honest, I don't want to.  I want to sit and eat a brownie for working so hard this morning.  I need the workout to clear my mind and ensure my pants fit.  I am SO much happier after the workout, but it is hard to buckle down for more work at this point.










After the workout, I need to squeeze in a shower before William gets off the bus.  Lately, I've been craving the couch time, so it has been a tight squeeze.  When William gets off the bus, there is a flurry of backpacks, binders, papers, books and catching up on his day which leads right into dinnertime and then after dinner activities.    I'll admit it - I'm worn down from the juggling right now.  The balancing act has been more difficult in the last few months.

This is not a particularly difficult day, just average.

So, here is the balance.  How much time is there for me?  How much time should be for my husband?  How much time is there for my children?

I know if I just hang on, there will be a shift that will help me recalibrate.  I don't need to make changes, they will come naturally.  William will be out of school for the summer, Gemma will give up her nap in the next year, Amelia will go to all day kindergarten next year and I will continue to do what needs to be done.

Gemma at 2

I did a more in depth post about each of the kids on their birthdays - I am losing my mind over here with everything going on, but I do want to remember our little Gemmabean when she was 2 years from now so, here it goes.


1.  She eats surprisingly better than William or Amelia at this age.  However, she will go DAYS where I swear she eats next to nothing.  Then, she'll out eat the other two kids and consume triple her body weight in macaroni and cheese.  For 2 days, she'll eat an obscene amount of grapes.  Then the kick is over and all grapes will end up on the floor for the next two months.   Some nights, I wonder if it might be more efficient to just dump her plate on the floor before dinner so the mess is somewhat contained.

Unlike the other 2, she has a few vegetables she will occasionally eat.  When she wants to, she'll eat peas, carrots and corn.  So, it isn't a great variety, but we'll get there!

2.  She adores her brother and sister.  She works very hard for their attention and then is totally elated.  They are not careful or easy on her though, despite my constant reminders.  This means she is a little rough and tumble girl.  She is regularly pushed, bumped and having toys taken from her.  Most of the time, she just dusts herself off and keeps rolling.

3. She loves to "ding dongs" (sing songs) and will request certain songs.  Then she will belt out the words.  Unless you have a camera pointed at her.  Then she will not utter a word.

4.  She had memorized Amelia's ballet dance.  She couldn't execute it perfectly, but she knew WHAT she was supposed to doing at all times.

5.  She loves to help.  When she sees me cleaning up, she will grab her own cloth and then slop water and soap all over the place. "wa" (wash) is what she'll say.

6.   She is fascinated by bugs.  She loves to watch them.  Somehow, she learned that all you have to do is shoo a bug away to make it leave.  If she sees a bug, she'll wave her arms and say "shoo, shoo!".  This week, a fly landed on her.  She waved and shooed and that mean bug just stayed on her arm.  She watched it for a heartbeat before screaming and running into my arms. (we have adorable video John should post)

7.  Yesterday, before I put Gemma in the tub, I sat her on the potty and she went.  This is very exciting for me!  I'm not putting any stock in this continuing or even working towards completion of this at this time.  But, I can see the promising future and it is so exciting!

8.  There were no concerns or anything important to talk about at Gemma's 2 year doctor visit.  Super boring appointment, just the way I like them.  We were surprised to find that Gemma currently has an ear infection going in her right ear.  Poor girl.  She got her last shot at this appointment until she is 5!

Her new stats are:

Height: 35.5 inches (94% for kids her age)

Weight: 28.5 lbs ( 73% for kids her age)

9.  She hates having her hair combed.  HATES IT.  We do a 50 yard dash every single morning.  She sees me coming and runs away.  I catch her and comb a little before she wiggles away, crying.  I chase after her and comb a little more while she screams.  She squirms out of my grasp and I chase her.  This continues until I comb her whole head.  She hates it and I hate it.

It makes me terribly sad, but I am certain that we are reaching the maximum length that we can deal with.  The screaming and tears each morning are just too much.  I will probably have to cut her hair before the end of the summer.  The idea just makes me want to cry as I love her hair SO much.

10.  Gemma loves pajamas.  Both William and Amelia have had a few pajama days this year and somehow Gemma noticed they were allowed to wear their pjs out of the house.  I do not want to admit to you how many times Gemma has gone to the babysitter in the last 6 weeks in her pajamas (I would estimate it to be around the 90% mark).  Luckily, our babysitter finds this endearing and doesn't mind that Gemma couldn't be bothered to get dressed.  Her favorite pajamas are anything with characters on them.  It doesn't even matter if she doesn't know WHO they are.  She loves them so much.

Happy Birthday Gemma!

Happy birthday, baby bear!

Gemma is 2!

I'm still recovering from an extremely busy day. I think the only time I sat down was when I folded three loads of laundry. Not exactly relaxing.

More later on our big day.

2 years ago...

It's hard to believe that it was 2 years ago that we sat down to play a game with my parents on a Friday night when I realized it was time to go to the hospital. It was a long, uncomfortable ride to the hospital (that would be the understatement of
the year). We were there for just a short time before Gemma was born!

I can't believe my baby will be 2 tomorrow!

Sent from my iPhone

William's last day of school

We are in the thick of things over here. This is by far one of the craziest times of year for our family. Everything is wrapping up and celebrating their final moments. It is a sweet time, but an utterly chaotic time. We missed almost all of our May birthdays and Mother's Day for our moms/grandmas. It is just this time of year.

I have another week of teaching and closing up my classroom with loose ends to tie up.

In the meantime, enjoy this picture if William's last day of school with his class on Tuesday. They spent their last day outside competing in Olympics Day which is roughly like a field day for the kiddos. I worked my 9-1 class and then ran up to the school from 1:15-4 to volunteer at the field event.

William has had a great school year and made so many friends. He has commented that he will miss his friends and teachers. However, he is THRILLED to be a big SECOND GRADER!

Sweet pigtails

Her hair is getting longer! It's hard to tell when it is so curly and she doesn't hold still for even a minute!

Letters

We were at dinner with my parents over the weekend. As we were getting settled, Gemma looked up and said "B" while pointing at John's shirt. She then went on to name every letter on his shirt until she had spelled out the company name on his shirt. I knew she knew a lot of letters, but I didn't realize she knew so many, so quickly.

Exciting!

Sent from my iPhone