Somehow I thought I would have more...time. Just today, two difficult
questions have arisen that just boggled my mind with how to answer.
I'm just not ready. I don't have an answer down pat for every topic.
Sometimes there isn't an easy answer appropriate for an
almost-four-year-old.
He isn't ready for this transition totally either. He cannot fathom a
question that I cannot immediately explain. When I take my time
answering, he becomes impatient and even thinks I am not listening to
him.
I really strive to be accurate and honest with our kids about
everything in an age appropriate way, of course. There are days I'd
like to tell him the washing machine works because of "magic" - it
would honestly be easier than explaining gears and motors work. But I
don't ( not because I dislike magic, but because it isn't the truth).
So today on the way home from lunch out with friends William piped up with:
"So when you take Mango to the kitty doctor, he will get better and be
able to come home soon. He will be able to come back to our house or
go home with a new family, right mom?"
Uuummmmm......
From the backseat, more insistent "right mom?"
It would be the easiest to just agree with him and let it go. In
fact, this us what I want to do. But cannot.
The truth is Mango was sick and we couldn't make him better. It was a
very emotional decision that doesn't sit well with either John or
myself. Without going into everything, we were stuck without options.
And nothing brings all that ambivalence back like having to explain
the events to a curious three year old.
So my answer? "No, baby. Mango was sick and died. That means he
can't come back to us or anyone else."
And blink back my tears.
Question two came later today as I was folding laundry. William sat
flipping through a book and chattering away.
"Mom, where did this book come from?"
"I think Aunt Kendra and Uncle Jim gave it to you for.....something."
*discussion ensues regarding the possible events/occasions he might
have received a book*
The gift issue resolved, William is quiet again. As he turns the
page, "Do Aunt Kendra and Uncle Jim have any babies?"
(you can see where this is going, can't you? If I would have seen it
I would have quickly steered our discussion towards safer topics.)
I reply " Aunt Kendra and Uncle Jim had three beautiful babies that
grew up to be your cousins Ben, Becca, and Mike."
Quiet for a moment, I turn back to mountain of laundry.
"Babies are lots of fun, aren't they Mom?"
Absent mindedly, I agree.
"We don't really have a little baby at our house anymore Mom. Amelia
is getting to be a big girl."
"Mom, I think we should go to the hospital and get a new baby at the
hospital....for my birthday."
......
And I will admit I probably stood with my mouth open for several moments.
I think I said something about babies needing more time to grow a
baby. And that babies grow inside Mamas not at hospitals. I think.
What would you have said?
Sent from my iPhone
Oh, do I understand this all too well. We have an old copy of How Things Work for the technical things. I said the same thing about babies, but K can read so that sped things up a bit. Plus, his teacher is pregnant so he asks her a pregnancy question every day. EVERY DAY. We give the answer of "let's look it up when we get to the computer" when we need more stall time but we always give an answer.
ReplyDeleteThat kid is a thinker! I probably would have stumbled over the same kind of response you gave him to the baby question, after explaining that babies aren't something you can ask for as a present (though I don't know how to answer the "why?" that inevitably follows).
ReplyDeleteJacob was just noticing that his sister is becoming less baby-like too, and told us that he wants another sister "just like that one." How heartwarming.